Where Are You Christmas
by Darkchilde
Summary: Sequel to "For All This We Give Thanks...". It's Christmas time, and all Catie wants is a family that loves her. That's where the Waites come in...


Disclaimer: Not mine, all Disney's, but they can't have Jamie's family. :) Anyway, this is the sequel to "For All This We Give Thanks...", and it gets steadily more depressing. Hopefully, this fits, because I wrote this before I wrote the one that comes before it, so it might be lacking. Anyway, I have a snow day tomorrow (I love snow when it gets me out of school!), so I might be able to get "Broken" written then. :) I don't know. The lyrics aren't mine, they belong to Faith Hill. Umm...that's about it. Anyway, without further ado...

Where Are You Christmas?

The snow was really beginning to pile up out there. Tiny white snowflakes danced from the night sky, the heavy gray clouds masking the twinkling stars and sparkling moon. Nearly half a foot of pure white snow lay on the ground already, and the sky and the weather forecast both claimed that there was no let up in sight. 

Catie Roth trembled slightly, her dark eyes locked on the fire that roared in the fireplace. It wasn't real of course--gas logs made for a less cheerful picture then the real thing, the cynical teenager decided. 

A board in the floor creaked, and her dark eyes flashed away from the fire to scan the darkness that surrounded her, looking for the source of the sound. As far as she knew, she was alone in the house, and that was the way she wanted it. Her parents were off...somewhere, at some party, probably doing something that they would have to confess to their marriage consular at some point in time. 

The sound shot through the darkness again, and Catie swallowed hard, reaching for the baseball bat that she kept next to her when she was alone in the house. Jamie had found out about it a few months ago, and it continued to amuse him to no end. Of course, Catie shut him up by pointing out that she was a lot smaller then he was, and even she didn't get beat up by eight year old girls. 

"Is anybody..." Catie called out into the darkness, her heart thumping against her chest like a jackhammer. 

The door swung open, and the gentle ringing of a little bell caught her attention. Groaning, Catie dropped the bat and settled back against the couch. A few seconds later, a sleek black cat padded into the ring of light and hoped up into her lap, purring contently before he sat down.

"You know, Romeo, you could have been chopped kitty litter if you didn't have that nifty little jingle bell." Catie told the purring feline, running her fingers under his chin and scratching him gently. 

The cat didn't seem bothered by his near death experience, simply blinking his yellow eyes at her once, and laying down completely, his head resting on her hand. Catie shook her head, and continued to stroke the animal, a strange type of melancholy descending on her. 

Was this all her home life was? An empty house with nothing to talk to but a cat? A fake fire and peanut butter sandwiches? Darkness and sadness and no one to protect her but an old bat named Clarence? 

Catie blinked rapidly, and a tear drop slowly made it's way out of the corner of her eye, slipping down her cheek and landing silently on top of Romeo's head. The black cat lifted his face up to look at her, his eyes betraying nothing. 

"Sorry Romeo." Catie whispered to the annoyed feline, reaching up to brush the tear track off of her face. "Didn't mean to get you all wet." 

The cat, as if some how sensing that she needed love at that moment, simply purred, deep in his throat, and leaned into her stomach, rubbing his black body across hers. Catie smiled sadly, and scratched him behind the ears. 

Romeo had actually been a gift to her from Jamie. He had knocked on her door one day, early in the morning, and when she had answered, he had shoved a tiny black kitten in her face, and asked her if she had wanted it. His sister's cat, Titannia, had had a litter of kittens, and his mother had insisted that every single one of them go. He'd seen the black one, and thought she might like it, remembering her comment that she was alone at home quite often. 

She had shaken her head when she saw the mangy looking animal, telling him that she wasn't very good at taking care of animals. But the sad looks on both that kitten and Jamie's faces had been enough to convince her to take the animal. Of course, then came the hard part--finding a name for it. 

Catie had, at first, wanted to name him Jamie, but knew that the human Jamie might not find it as amusing as she did. So she settled for naming the cat after human Jamie's MIDDLE name--Romeo. 

The ringing of the telephone caught Catie's attention, drawing her back to reality. Blinking, she shook herself, and pushed Romeo off her lap, going to pick up the phone. She reached on the third ring, just before the answering machine kicked in.

"Hello?" She asked, pushing a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. 

"Hey...what are you doing?" A deep voice asked her. Catie smiled for the first time all night, before rolling her eyes, recognizing Jamie Waite's voice.

"Solving world hunger with a cat named for a Shakespearian character. And yourself?" 

"And you didn't want to take Romeo. Nothing much--just trying to avoid my little sister's insistent begging that I play the Rudolph song. Again. For the fifth time. This hour." Jamie groaned. 

"The Rudolph song?" Catie asked, confused. She'd never heard it called that before. 

"That's what she calls it. You know that song, Run Rudolph Run?" Jamie asked, lowering his voice a few decibels. 

Catie blinked, and then shook her head. She realized her mistake a few seconds late, and rolled her eyes, and then said, "No, I don't think so." 

"No? Lucky you." Jamie groaned. Then he seemed to shake off his horror at the song, and asking her, "So what else are you doing, besides solving world hunger?" 

"Nothing. Just kinda hanging out." Catie told him, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. 

"Your not busy?" Jamie asked, sounding surprised. 

"Why, what did you think I would be doing?" She wanted to know, a look of confusion crossing her face.

"I mean, your not doing something with your family?" Jamie wanted to know.

"No." Catie responded immediately, wondering what brought that question on. 

"But it's Christmas Eve." 

"So?" 

Jamie was silent on the other end of the phone for a long moment. Catie began to wonder if the phone had died or something, when he spoke up. 

"So, you and your parents are just sitting around the house doing...nothing?" 

"No, I'm sitting around the house doing nothing. My parents are probably out getting wasted somewhere." Catie explained, keeping her tone as level as possible. 

"Oh. How come your not over at...Val's or something?" Jamie asked, and Catie shook her head, even though she knew that Jamie couldn't see her.

"Because I didn't want to intrude on their little family bonding thing." Catie explained calmly, highly amused by Jamie's questions. "Why?" 

"So...your all by yourself?" He sounded upset, Catie realized. Wonder why? 

"Uh...yeah. Isn't that what I just said?" She rolled her eyes, even though she knew that he couldn't see it. "What's your point?" 

"Nothing." Jamie was lying and she knew it. A squeal on the other end of the line made Catie jump in surprise. 

"What was that?" She asked, drawing in a steadying breath. 

"Molly and Sami." Jamie sighed, sounding annoyed. "Their attempting to dress Titannia up in a Mrs. Claus outfit." 

Catie cracked up at the mental picture, her spirits lifting for just a minute. "Now there's something that I would love to see!"

"Trust me, it's not half as amusing as you think it is--or maybe that's just me. Especially since I know that I'm going to be the one to patch all THREE of them up." Jamie groused. 

"Poor baby." Catie mock cooed, making HIM laugh. 

"Pity me." 

"I do." 

Another squeal broke through the phone line, and Catie snickered at Jamie's distressed groan. "Their going to either kill themselves, or that stupid cat!" He sighed, and Catie knew him well enough to picture his grimacing face. "Look, I had better go, before..."

CRASH!

"Oh crap!" Jamie moaned into the phone, making Catie just laugh harder. "I'm glad you find this so amusing!"

"Oh come on Jamie, your sisters are funny!" She defended herself. 

"You wouldn't think so if you had to live with them." Jamie muttered, and Catie began to laugh even harder, tears leaking out of her eyes. 

"Oh, you have no idea how much I did!" She assured him. 

"Yeah...look, I really gotta go. I'll...umm...talk to you later tonight, okay?" Jamie had the worried tone back in his voice, and Catie shook her head, sighing.

"Jamie, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. Don't worry about me--go have fun with your mom and sisters. And tell them I said hi, okay? Bye." 

"I will. Bye Catie." 

Catie shook her head once more, and pushed the talk button on her phone, a loneliness she was use to feeling descending on her again. Before she could stop it, another tear trickled down her cheek, and she reached up to brush it away quickly, even though there was no one there to see her cry. 

"Pull it together, Roth. Just like you told Jamie, you've been alone before. You can handle it." 

But right at that moment, she didn't want to handle it. She wanted to be laughing and joking with a family, her family. She wanted the love and tenderness that she saw in Jamie's eyes when he complained about his siblings, she wanted the bond that Brooke and Val had. 

She wanted a family.

That was it.

Was that so much to ask?  


"Is it?" Catie asked thin air, her heart breaking in her chest. "Is it to much to want a family, one night out of the entire fucking year?!" 

Sobs tore at the back of her throat, and ripped themselves free, filling the silent room with her misery. Shaking, Catie laid down on the couch, tugging a blanket up around her shoulders, and wishing that the gas logs would catch the house on fire and it would burn down, with her inside of it. 

"I hate Christmas. I hate my family. I hate my life." These words raced through her head like a mantra, as tears poured down her face. "Where the hell is the 'joy' that this time of year is suppose to bring?" 

She continued to weep, her heart broken into a thousand pieces. She was a failure, at everything she did--as a daughter, as a friend, as a human being. 

"I wish I was dead." Catie whispered out loud, trembling. "I really do." 

Her broken hearted sobs filled the dark house again, until finally, she cried herself in to a fitful sleep. 

*****

She was running. Running from something, something, but she didn't know what. Her heart banged against her chest, and she continued to run, her legs pumping and sweat trickling down her face. 

Blackness loomed behind her, and a soft glowing white light shone at her in front. If she could just reach the light, she would be alright. 

But some one kept moving the light further and further away from her, and she sobbed, reaching out questing fingers for the light, longing for it, but knowing that it would never be hers. 

"Please..." she whimpered, still racing for the elusive light. "PLEASE..." 

But the light refused her, disappearing into the shadows of the all consuming darkness, and plunging her into utter blackness and despair. 

"NOOOO!!" She screamed into the void, her voice echoing back to her. "please...no..." 

She looked down at the cold stone ground, dropping to her knees and bowing her head, tears rolling down her face. She was lost, lost in the void, and the light had, obviously refused her. 

"Why?" She whispered. "Why? Don't leave me here...please some one...help me..."

"Catie?" A voice, full of warmth and love reached her in the blackness, and she lifted her head her eyes, searching for the source of the voice. "Catie?" 

"Who..." She asked, the blackness around her seeming to blur and fade away, leaving her floating in shadows. "Who is.." 

Catie was suddenly jerked back to reality fiercely, shaking her to her very core. Her eyes popped open, and she found herself looking into the warmest brown eyes that she had ever seen. Her heart banging against her chest, and her eyes, to her horror, filling with tears, Catie reached out for the first human being she had seen all day. 

"Jamie..." 

"Hey." He whispered to her, capturing her hands in his and pulling them against his heart. "Are you okay?" 

"Why...why wouldn't I be okay?" Catie breathed, her eyes sparkling with fresh tears. Jamie kept one of his large hands pressed over her much smaller ones, and reached out the other one to wipe a single tear drop off her face. 

"You were crying in your sleep." Jamie told her softly, his beautiful dark eyes worried. 

Catie winced, and asked the first thing that popped into her head. "How long have you been here?" 

"About fifteen minutes." Jamie told her gently, brushing the tip of one of his index finger across her high cheekbone. Catie shivered at his gentle touch, wondering what was going through his mind, and what she must look like to him.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with your 'loved ones'?" Catie asked, trying to cover her anxiety up with a smart remark. 

"I am." Jamie told her simply, a ghost of a smile playing across his beautiful mouth. Catie looked down, and blushed, her cheeks blossoming with color. His smile grew for a second, and he touched her cheek gently. "Come on. There a bunch of other people that love you that are waiting for you." 

"Like who?" Catie asked, relying on her cynical nature to get her through. 

"Like my mom, and Jazz, and Crimson, and Molly, and ESPECIALLY Sami." Jamie grinned at her, tugging her to her feet. 

"Jamie...I don't know..." Catie protested as Jamie drug her toward the closet where she kept her heavy winter jacket. 

"Oh, come on! Do it for me?" Jamie pleaded, looking at her with his huge brown eyes, a slight pout on his face. "I want you too..."

"Because you feel sorry for me?" Catie challenged. 

"Nope. Because I lo--want you to be at my house for Christmas. Please? We can tease my little sisters by making them think that Santa Claus got stuck in the chimney!" Jamie begged, reaching the closet, and opening it, pulling out her dark jacket and thrusting it at her.

"That's mean." Catie snickered, her eyes dancing. 

"But you have no idea how fun." Jamie assured her, his dark eyes pleading. Catie took one look into those soulful chestnut eyes, and folded. 

"Alright, fine." Catie tried to complain, but let him slip the jacket onto her shoulders as he beamed at her, his white teeth flashing in his face. 

"Good. Let's go. Mom's going to be worried." Jamie informed her, and took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. Catie shook her head, her dark hair swinging. 

"Alright, alright, I'm coming." She zipped up her jacket, and allowed Jamie to tug her out the door. 

The snow had continued to fall, and now there was something like eight to ten inches on the ground. Catie nearly slipped on the ice on the front porch, but Jamie caught her just in time, his long arms wrapping around her securely. 

"Thanks." Catie murmured to him, looking into his eyes. Her face was just a few inches away from his...all she would have to do is lean in and...

"No problem." Jamie murmured, setting her down on the steps and moving away from her, and reaching up to rub the back of his head. 

Catie looked around the driveway, and then blinked, a half smile pulling at her lips. "Where's your bike?" 

"Mom wouldn't let me drive it." Jamie groused shoving his hands in his pockets. Catie blinked, and looked up at him following easily into step with him as they walked down the street.

"You mean you walked here? In the snow?" 

"Well...yeah." Jamie shrugged--he obviously didn't think it was a very big deal. "I did. So?" 

"Just to come and get me, to drag me to your house?" Catie question him, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"Yep." Jamie allowed.

"Your crazy, you know that?" Catie told him firmly.

"I know." He beamed at her, his beautiful dark eyes shining in the glow of the streetlight.

Catie laughed, and shook her head, following him down the street. The snow fall had slowed down, so only tiny white flakes drifted from the sky, swirling and dipping like little crystal fairies. The snowflakes landed in Jamie's hair, and contrasted sharply with his black hair and the pure whiteness of the snow. Catie blinked and stared at the picture he made, a slight smile pulling at her lips. He noticed her gaze a minute later, lifting an eyebrow.

"What?" 

"You have snow in your hair." Catie told him, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and turning to face him, a slight smile pulling at her lips.

Jamie blinked, and ran his fingers through dark hair, and chuckled, low in his throat. He gazed at Catie for a second, swallowing hard as he looked at her. The snow had also fallen in her hair, and now clung to the long strands stubbornly, looking like tiny diamonds laced through her hair. 

"Yeah, well, you do too." Jamie informed her, fighting a blush. 

"I do?" Catie lifted a hand to her hair, and touching her dark locks. Sure enough, her fingers came away wet, and she giggled in a very un-Catie like manner. "Oh well." 

"Yeah." Jamie murmured, gluing his eyes to the floor, and refusing to look up, for fear that his emotions would be given away by the expression in his eyes. "Come on, before mom sends out a search party." 

The young couple continued to walk down the street silently, their steps crunching on the icy sidewalk. Jamie had not yet dropped Catie's hand, and the warmth of his fingers around hers was enough to make her shiver slightly. 

The Christmas lights painted the white snow a multitude of different colors, making it look like they were walking through a rainbow. Catie blinked at one particular house, decked out in more lights then she had ever seen. 

"Really in the Christmas spirit there..." Catie whispered to Jamie, gesturing to the house with their interlaced hands. Jamie looked to where she was pointing, and snorted. 

"Tell me about it. Can you believe that my mom actually WANTED to do that? Can we say tacky?" Jamie murmured in her ear, his lips one centimeters away from her ear. Catie bit back a laugh as the twosome continued down the road, fast approaching Jamie's home. 

"You guys didn't, did you?" Catie wondered, grinning at his horror struck face. 

"Your joking right? *I'm* the one that would have had to string them up--of course we didn't!" 

Catie giggled at his comment, his house coming into view. True to his word, Jamie's house was not rigged with a vast multitude of lights. In fact, only a few strands of soft white lights adorned the porch and surrounding bushes. 

"Now that's pretty." Catie complimented him, making Jamie beam happily at her. 

"Thank you, thank you. I'm glad that you like it." The twosome made their way up the stairs, and pushed open the door, as beautiful piano music, bright lights and warm air washed over them like a flood. 

"Wow...that's..." Before Catie could compliment the music, a lovely voice began to sing. 

__

Where are you Christmas? 

Why can't I find you? 

Why have you gone away? 

Where is the laughter, you used to bring me? 

Why can't I hear music play? 

My world is changing, I'm rearranging. 

Does that mean Christmas changes too?

"Who?" Catie squeaked softly, looking up at Jamie. A slight smile pulled at his lips, and he looked down at her, his dark eyes shining.

"My mom." 

"She's...awesome." Catie could have kicked herself for her word choice. That wasn't what she had meant to say--she had meant to say something witty and intelligent, not 'awesome'. But Jamie grinned, and tugged her forward, toward the source of the music. 

"I know she is." 

Where are you Christmas? 

Do you remember the one you used to know? 

I'm not the same one, see what the times done. 

Is that why you have let me go?

Jamie reached the door, and pushed it open, a slight grin pulling at his lips. Catie peeked around his shoulder and smiled at the sight that greeted her. 

Genevieve Waite sat at the piano, her brilliant red hair down around her shoulders and nearly falling to her waist, playing the instrument with long fingers. Catie watched her hands for a moment, before looking down at the hand that held hers tightly. Jamie had gotten his hands from his mother too. 

Jamie's four younger sisters were spread out around her, listening intently as their mother sang the words of a song Catie had never heard before. Jazz, the only dark-haired girl of the group, was leaning against the back of the piano, her head propped up on one hand, watching her mother with a slight grin on her face. Crimson, the second oldest, was standing behind her mother, reading the lyrics of the song off the sheet music in front of her mother. The two littlest girls, Molly and Sami, were sitting on either side of their mother, Sami's bright red head resting against her mother's arm. 

Christmas is here. everywhere, oh.

Christmas is here, if you care, oh. 

If there is love in your heart and your mind, 

You will feel like Christmas all the time.

Genevieve turned her eyes away from the music in front of her, her skillfully hands still caressing the piano keys. Her welcoming smile surprised and comforted Catie in ways she had never thought possible. 

__

I feel you Christmas. 

I know I've found you. you never fade away. 

The joy of Christmas, stays here in silence, 

Fills each and every heart with love. 

Where are you Christmas? 

Fills your heart with love...

The red haired woman finished the song, ending with a gentle crescendo. Jamie, his sisters, and Catie all exploded into applause, making Genevieve laugh and half-bow from her seat, before turning mischievous brown eyes on the couple in the doorway. 

"Uh oh..." Catie whispered to Jamie.

"What?" He murmured back, looking at his mother in worry.

"I've seen that look before. I think we're going to get something pulled on us..." 

"What do you mean, you've seen that look before?" 

"That's the same look you get on your face when your up to something." 

"Uh oh..." 

"Hi you two!" Jamie's mother beamed at them, her dark eyes still glittering. 

"Umm...hey mom." Jamie said, shifting uncomfortably.

"Yeah, um, hi." Catie really wanted to know why Jamie's mother was looking at her like that. Just then Jazz started to laugh, and Crimson smirked at them, her dark eyes sparkling. However, it was Sami that clued her older brother and his friend into what was so funny.

"Hey, Mommy, is I gonna find out NOW why you hung that flower over the door?" 

Catie and Jamie exchanged a panicked look, and then forced themselves to look up. Hanging smugly above them was a sprig of....mistletoe. 

"MOM!" 


End file.
